


A Little Glitter

by flightofthedragons



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Gen, I am here to provide trans dex content, Trans Male Character, boys in makeup
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-25
Updated: 2016-10-25
Packaged: 2018-08-24 15:43:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8377876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flightofthedragons/pseuds/flightofthedragons
Summary: "Nice look, Nurse." He was just dry enough to sound insincere even though Nursey looked fucking incredible. Dex didn't know where he got gold eyeshadow, but it suited him like he was made for it."You know," Nursey said casually, "you might look good with a little makeup, too."And Dex knew- he knew Nursey didn't mean it like that, but he tensed anyway.





	

Most of the time, being on the hockey team at a school as liberal as Samwell was a blessing. No one questionws Dex's need for privacy in the locker room, no one did the 'no homo' dance to excuse closeness, no one ever called Dex a pussy even jokingly. It would have been a dream, except his team couldn't seem to stop there. They had loud arguments about "bullshit heteronormativity," they accepted Bitty for being gay without thinking twice, and they lectured Dex about not placing judgements onto people as though he didn't already know.

It was a lot.

The thing was, Dex hadn't meant to go stealth. He assumed everyone would figure out he was trans eventually, so he never put the effort into coming out. Now, halfway through Dex's sophomore year, it almost felt too late. He wanted to make a big coming out speech to the team even less than he wanted to deal with everyone assuming he was some clueless cis boy.

Nursey, for all he yelled at Dex about not making assumptions, was not exempt from this. The moment he entered the Haus and saw Dex in the kitchen, Nursey visibly tensed for a fight. Dex wanted to roll his eyes at how oblivious this boy was, except he also kind of wanted to chirp him.

"Nice look, Nurse." He was just dry enough to sound insincere even though Nursey looked fucking incredible. Dex didn't know where he got gold eyeshadow, but it suited him like he was made for it.

A year ago, Nursey would have yelled at Dex about enforcing gender norms and a fight would have ensued. Now, he just winked salaciously and said "thanks, babe."

A year ago, Dex would have yelled at Nursey not to call him 'babe' and a fight would have ensued. Now, he just grinned and said "of course."

"You know," Nursey said casually, "you might look good with a little makeup, too."

And Dex knew- he _knew_ Nursey didn't mean it like that, but he tensed anyway.

"Please don't say shit like that," Dex requested quietly.

"Why not?" Nursey grinned. "It's just makeup. C'mon, Poindexter, you can't be scared of a little glitter." Dex merely gave him an unimpressed once-over, taking in Nursey's general ensemble.

"What?" He was still grinning, the bastard. Dex eyed the neon crop top meaningfully and Nursey had the gall to look smug. "I'm secure in my masculinity. Dex, admit it, I look good. I'd make you look pretty, too."

Dex wanted to scream, because it was this again. It was 'look at small-town, narrow-minded Dex, who doesn't get that it's okay to express yourself freely.' But still, Dex couldn't help but be uncomfortable. The 'secure in my masculinity' quip was a joke at this point, something that got thrown around the Haus when salmon shorts or fruity drinks were mentioned. And Dex got it, really. Masculinity was ridiculous. But his dysphoria hadn't been very manageable lately, and he couldn't help but think that it was easy to be secure in something no one had ever tried to claim wasn't yours.

"Don't say shit about me wearing makeup or girls' clothes or- whatever," Dex emphasized. "It's not about you. Congrats on being comfortable enough to pull that off." _Congrats on having a flat chest and broad shoulders and sharp angles. "But I can't."_

"You don't know that." Nursey egged him on, daring him to try, and Dex felt a fight ready to explode out of him. But they weren't frogs anymore, no matter what Bitty thought, and suddenly… Dex didn't want to do this. He wanted to tell him. And if he let himself be honest, Dex wanted to believe Nursey. Or maybe he was just being reckless and impulsive because he was lonely, but there were worse people than Nursey to trust.

But not here. Not in the Haus.

"I wouldn't even know how to put it on," he said, which was… mostly true. It'd been a long time since he'd tried. "It would be a disaster."

"Now you're just daring me to help you out," Nursey pointed out as though Dex didn't know full well what he was doing.

But Dex maybe didn't have the nerve to follow through. He wanted Nursey to know he was trans, but he wasn't ready to spill his guts right then. So he didn't say anything, just shrugged and made an excuse to leave and wondered _What did I just do?_  
\- - -

Dex was doing homework- or at least telling himself he would get homework done- when Nursey texted him.

_Nursey, 5:23pm: You in ur dorm rm?_  
Dex, 5:26pm: Yeah, why?  
Nursey, 5:27pm: Let me in 

That's all the warning Dex got before there was a knock on his door, and he swore loudly at Nursey before standing.

"What the fuck," he swore once again for good measure after opening the door. Nursey grinned unabashedly.

"I brought my makeup kit. Dude you're gonna look so good."

Dex froze for a full ten seconds, staring at Nursey, then tried to close the door. Unfortunately, Nursey was kind of standing in it, so Dex couldn't really close it all the way.

"You brought this upon yourself."

"I know," Dex shouted. "I am fully fucking aware, thank you, now please leave."

"Nope. Too late. You can do this, Poindexter. Breathe."

 _This_ \- this was why Nursey was hard to be around. Why people thought that Dex hated him. Nursey's words might have actually helped if he meant them, but he said them in that too-patient tone of someone who thought Dex was being ridiculous. Which, he was. Dex knew that this shouldn't be this big a deal. But knowing that didn't calm him any, and neither did Nursey. "I'm not being immature," he said petulantly.

"Of course not. You've just internalized a lot of bullshit about how guys don't wear makeup, and I'm here to rid you of this notion."

"Right," Dex said tiredly. He glanced at his homework, lain out on his desk and barely started. Then he looked back at Nursey, smug and eager.

Dex wasn't ready for this. He was halfway through his sophomore year and he wasn't out to anyone and it was silly to be afraid of makeup, but he was. He trusted Nursey, though, and a part of Dex thought maybe that was as close to ready as he'd get.

"Fine," he conceded at last. Dex stepped away from the door to let Nursey in, already regretting everything that had led to this moment.

"Okay, unless you have a better plan I think you should sit on the bed," Nursey orchestrated. "I'll move your chair over here so I can put my stuff down on your desk."

Dex watched him silently, but he did move his homework so that he could sit on the bed. He felt relief that Nursey was willing to take the lead like this, because everything was overwhelming right then.

"If you have any specific requests I'll try my best, but otherwise I'm pretty much giving myself full permission to experiment on your face." Nursey watched Dex, and it took an awkwardly long pause for Dex to realize that he was waiting for a response.

"Um… nothing too heavy," he requested meekly, "And don't cover my freckles."

Nursey grinned in delight. "Wouldn't dream of it, bro. I don't have anything to match your pasty skin tone anyway."

Dex smiled, a little calmer. "Okay."

"Now close your eyes. No peeking until I'm done."

It was calming, sitting there and letting Nursey work. For once Dex didn't need to be doing anything, didn't need to contribute other than by sitting still. The moment was intimate, Nursey's hands on Dex's face and his breath close enough to hear. But Nursey didn't say anything, and the two boys shared the moment in silence.

It was sometime during this silence that Dex realized how little he'd thought this through. For all the two hockey players were physically close, the only part of Dex that Nursey was touching directly was his face. Dex didn't know why he thought makeup would magically inform Nursey that he was trans when nothing else had in the year and a half they'd known each other. Clearly, that wasn't going to happen.

"Open your mouth," Nursey commanded. "No talking."

Dex automatically let his mouth fall into shape to allow Nursey to draw on his lips. While Nursey worked, Dex thought through how he'd come out. It seemed so arbitrary, now. Dex could easily let Nursey walk away from this none the wiser, but he didn't think he wanted that anymore.

"I'm done; let me just grab a mirror." Nursey pulled away too soon, and Dex still wasn't ready. Not for any of this- to confide in Nursey or to see a face that hadn't worn makeup since before he went on T.

"Okay, Dex, you can open your eyes now," Nursey said cheerfully. Dex didn't respond, frozen on his own bed. He wasn't sure he wanted to know what he looked like. He missed makeup, sometimes, missed the way he could improve his appearance and raise his confidence by winging his eyeliner or wearing lipstick. But he stopped wearing it years ago and didn't even bring any to Samwell because he'd never once in his life been gendered correctly while wearing it.

Dex didn't know if there was such a thing as passing with makeup on.

He didn't open his eyes.

"Dude, Dex, c'mon. I worked hard on your face, you gotta at least look at it."

"I don't _have_ to. I could wash it off without opening my eyes." Dex knew he wasn't making any sense, but he couldn't help his nerves.

"Deeeeex. If you're man enough to deal with me putting stuff on your face, you're man enough to see it."

Maybe it was the wording that finally pushed him, but Dex swallowed back a wave of irritation and spoke. "I'm transgender."

Silence fell again, briefly, and Dex felt himself begin to panic. This is why he _planned-_

"What the fuck." Nursey's voice, shocked and accusing, cut into Dex's thoughts.

"I'm sorry," Dex babbled. "It's just. I haven't worn makeup since early high school and- I don't know, somehow you always manage to look so comfortable but I don't think I _can-"_

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Dex, _chill."_ Nursey put a placating hand on Dex's shoulder. "I've got you. Breathe."

Dex leaned into the touch, letting himself be in the moment. He almost apologized again, but bit his tongue at the last second. "Thank you," he said instead.

"Yeah, of course." Nursey's voice was flustered even though his words were casual. "Thanks for trusting me with this moment and all that jazz. Um. Sorry, Shitty's better at this than I am. I'm just gonna go home and reevaluate everything I've said to you for the last two years to see how much of a massive dickhead I was being."

"Please don't," Dex smiled. "This is going to get awkward so quickly if you start treating me like glass instead of calling me out on my ignorance every time I try to say anything."

"Great, now you're really making me sound awful."

"That's not new," Dex pointed out, relieved to hear Nursey chuckle.

"I guess it's not." A pause. "You really are going to have to open your eyes, you know."

"I know," Dex said. He folded his fingers together on his lap and gathered together 3 seconds worth of courage. Then he opened his eyes.

Nineteen year old Nursey could have given a lot of tips to fourteen year old Dex. He almost didn't recognize himself in the mirror, but that might not have been a bad thing. Glitter was on his face, his freckles _sparkled_ and Dex wanted to laugh at the absurdity.

Gender was a complicated, nebulous thing. Dex still wasn't sure he looked male enough; he wouldn't ever wear this in public. But Nursey was right. He looked good. He looked different than he ever had, than he knew he could.

"Thank you," he said quietly. Nursey looked back at him in wonder.

"Did you doubt my skills?" Nursey joked lightly. After a pause, he shrugged and busied himself with putting away his bag. "I don't look much like I did when I was fourteen, either. If you want to talk… Obviously I don't know much about you, given I thought you were just uncomfortable because you grew up conservative. But I do know what it's like to question your gender. And to feel pressure to be more masculine."

Dex smiled. "Don't get mushy on me, Nurse." 

"Well, one of us has to! You coming out is a big deal! We should celebrate, get milkshakes or something." Dex wanted to protest, except- yeah, it kind of was a big deal. And milkshakes might be nice. 

"Alright," he agreed.

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted on tumblr: http://autisticchowder.tumblr.com/post/151952516622


End file.
